Life
This week has been one of the worst/hardest weeks I've had in a really long time. I definitely don't want to get into the details here, but let's just say I've cried more this week then probably the rest of the year combined! However in some strange way I'm grateful for it. I think I tend to look at the positive sides of things because I've been trying to see what good will come out of this situation that I've found myself in. Here are a couple of things that I've learned. I definitely figured out who my great friends are. I know now that I have some awesome people in my life that will help me and be there for me when I'm down. Like Heather who has been there to talk to me this week when I'm crying at 10:00 at night and make me laugh and rescue me so I'm not sitting at home festering about the situation. And Josh who let's me come over to his house and just laugh and take my mind off of it. He doesn't know the details but he knows I've been hurting so he's been really cool about it. And my mom who reminds me that I'm a strong person and even though I've been really hurt by people that I love, I will be able to get through it because that's how I am. I've been hurt before and I've made it, and I think I'm better for it. And most importantly I've gotten lots closer to God because of it. I mean this week has really made me remember what a great loving Father I have. It will never stop amazing me that I can be crying my eyes out driving down the road, and just by listening to a worship song, I feel like He really is rescuing me. And I know He's helped with the hurt because I've asked Him to, and even though I still hurt, it definitely feels like it's something that I can bare now. I just love that about my Daddy. I seriously don't know how people make it through things without Him. I don't think I could do it. I mean who else would beable to make me feel better like that? I don't know of a human who can take away pain the way my God can. Am I still hurting? Yes. But because of the things I've been choosing to dwell on today, and the way I've been talking to/feeling God, I have no doubt that I will be ok. Even more then that, I have no doubt that I will be better and stronger then I was before I was hurt. The last time I was hurt like this was almost three years ago when my best guy friend totally screwed me over. That time I didn't look to God like I did this time, and it made me lose trust in guys almost completely. It was well over a year...probably more like a year and a half...before I would even think about getting close to and opening myself up to another guy (Michael). I honestly don't feel like it's gonna be like that this time, and I know that it's a God thing. The funny thing is that this situation hurts 10x as bad as the first one did, but I don't feel like it's going to make me close myself up again. It doesn't make sense to me, but God doesn't always make sense. In my mind I would think that I wouldn't want to get close to people like ever again because who would want to be close to someone who knows they are really hurting you but they do it anyway? However my heart tells me something different and that's because I've asked God to not make me bitter and to keep my heart soft towards those people that I do still love. So I'm happy that God works like that, because even though I still hurt, I have a strange peace that tells me that I am going to be ok. Good thing I was smart enough this time to rely on my God instead of myself to get through it!